the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
