I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
