Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
