By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
