I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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