And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
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We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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