How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
