I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
