i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
