I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am one with the molecules
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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