By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
