All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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