All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
