Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
