he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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