break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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