The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
