saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
