i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
