Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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