my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
