she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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