i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
