i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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