You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
