Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
