so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So many bounce houses so little time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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