need another drink. this is the easiest way
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?