If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.