My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
