Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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