I bet he comes in French.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
