The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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