Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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