perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
