we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
