you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
