my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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