Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
