Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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