So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
