I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
