i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
