real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
is it fun? or sober?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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