Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
