I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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