bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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