is your mom at the bar?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
