I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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