this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
