if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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