If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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