I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
