hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
