o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize