am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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