This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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