Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
