There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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