imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
