Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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