He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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